What's your Dolly's Name?

Any parent knows - or should know at the very least - that the more intelligent a child is, the more careful you have to be about what you say in front of them.

The problem is that not only do we sometimes forget this, children usually have extremely good hearing - particularly when it’s something they’re not supposed to hear - and a remarkable ability to be ’within earshot’ when you’re not expecting it.

This was recently demonstrated in clear, unambiguous terms by the four year old daughter of one of my wife’s colleagues.


Bimbo Barbie, Brain-Dead Barbie, Boney Barbie...


You get the picture?

Naturally, her husband is rather more amused by this than she is.

Recycle, Request, Refused...

It seems that not all of Dover District Council's staff have got the message about it's alleged commitment to recycling.

A certain nameless DDC official recently told a local school that they could not have the materials they wanted for a school project as they were to be incinerated. When the school attempted to clarify what it naturally assumed to be a health and safety issue they were told.

"Oh no, there's nothing wrong with them. They're just marked for incineration that's all."

While I was out...

In the weeks before the election it was suggested that the reason for my long silence was that I had been 'identified' and subsequently crucified by party enforcers or perhaps even by the blackshirts themselves.

That's not unreasonable considering the way I've criticised the behaviour of the party leadership and Gordon Brown in particular. But alas, as so often in real life, the true reason is much more mundane and boring...

I've been busy.

One of the problems associated with this little 'hobby' of mine is the deceptively large amount of time it can consume. It's all very well thinking I'll just dash off a quick post about whatever happens to have caught my attention, but where politics are concerned that quick post can easily turn into a multiple page missive.

Keeping it to a reasonable size and/or paring it down afterwards takes time. Ensuring that the shorter version says what I want it to without too much danger of being accidentally misinterpreted takes even more time and suddenly it's not a quick post any longer.

Naturally I could 'make' time for this but then it wouldn't be fun anymore and as I've mentioned before, I do this mostly for my own amusement.


This means that I missed the opportunity to comment on such gems as Gordon Brown's appalling behaviour at the Cenotaph. The well deserved ear-bashing he got from Mrs Janes and his pathetic attempts to deflect criticism of his fiscal mismanagement by pointing the finger at Spain and claiming that the UK was not the only member of the G20 still in recession.

As the more politically aware will already know. Spain is not and has never been a member of the G20, regardless of whatever that deranged Scots git may or may not have convinced himself and some of his ‘colleagues’ of - although in their case it was more likely to have been the blackshirts who did the ‘convincing’. To then call them an 'unofficial' member when challenged on this fact merely served to further highlight his increasing inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality.


And then of course, there was Jim Devine's 'inappropriate' behaviour towards Nadine Dorries.

I must admit this did not come as a surprise to me as Jim Devine is one of the very worse offenders who, drunk or sober, seems to be incapable of keeping his hands off any woman unfortunate enough to attract his attention.

Sadly however, Jim Devine is by no means the only one guilty of this sort of misconduct which is far too common amongst MPs, some of whom seem to see this as a perk of the job rather than a criminal assault.


Finally I tip my hat in respect to a very senior member of the BBC, who on being told that Chris Evans had been chosen to replace Sir Terry Wogan as the presenter of the Radio 2 breakfast show because “he’s popular with the 15 to 24 age group" remarked

"So are venereal diseases but you wouldn't employ one to present an early morning radio show!"

At Bloody Last!

Well it's finally happened.

David Geffen... I mean Peter Mandleson... erm... Gordon Brown, has called a General Election.

Normally a Prime Minister, or in this case a Deranged Scots Git, will call an election when they think it will give them the best chance of winning.

However with Gordon Brown being the only person on the planet who still believes we have a gnat's chance in hell of winning, the timing has another purpose.

To force the Digital Economy Bill through Parliament before it get torn to shreds.

For those of you who have been hiding in the closet - yes it is nice and quiet in there - the Digital Economy Bill is a rather despicable piece of legislation written almost entirely by copyright lobbyists such as the BPI working quietly behind the scenes.

Carefully buried within the bill are clauses which give ministers the power to extend copyright by decree, give copyright holders the ability to 'convict on accusation' without being required to provide evidence of infringing activity and much more.

Government ministers have been fighting tooth and nail to block amendments since it's original reading, particularly those which would introduce judicial oversight of enforcement action, and on one occasion simply removed the amended text, replacing it with the original.

Naturally I did my bit by oh so casually asking a certain Labour peer about the amendment he had sponsored. He wasn't a bit pleased to see that it had vanished without trace and no notation to indicate why.

However with the tories now 'on-board' I fully expect this to make it through the 'wash-up' essentially unchanged.


As for the election itself. Gordon Brown wants you to support him. Not the Labour Party. Him personally.

I would suggest there are much quicker, less drawn out and painful methods of destroying everything you've worked for.

Dousing your home in petrol and setting it alight with you still inside it is one of them.

Give me my pills! Quickly! I need my pills!

It seems that Gordon Brown's instinct for self-preservation is still working despite his rapidly disintegrating mental state - or he is no longer capable of telling the truth - judging by the way he lied when Andrew Marr asked him if he was taking pills to 'help him get through'.

One thing is for certain. His expression when Marr asked the question followed by his not-so-private temper tantrum afterwards will only fuel further speculation.

Most definitely in the public interest.

I met an old family friend for lunch this afternoon and the conversation eventually turned to the expenses fiasco.

A former QC now long since retired, he is quite disgusted by the inflated, often blatantly fraudulent expense claims made by MPs and expressed the desire to temporarily come out of retirement to prosecute just one last case.

When I laughingly asked which one he would prefer, he remarked "The former Speaker would be nice" but he'd be willing to settle for Gordon Brown or one of his 'inner circle'.

Then with a wicked smile he said those dreaded words which have been known to strike abject fear into the heart of even the most seasoned senior clerk.

"I might even do it pro bono."

Don't forget your lifejacket Gordon.

There's a rumour going round that Gordon Brown is preparing to jump ship ahead of the general election.

This is quite an 'about-face' for Brown who has always maintained that he "wasn't going anywhere" and was recently telling people that he'd have to be "carried out feet first". Naturally there is a long list of people who would be only too willing to help him achieve the latter ambition sooner rather than later.

However it's very unlikely to be true as it would also mean he would have to accept the reality of the forthcoming election defeat. Something he has clearly demonstrated over and over again he is incapable of doing.

I suspect what actually happened is that the blackshirts are so desperately trying to find bolt-holes for themselves to hide in, they forgot to keep an eye on whoever is making post-defeat arrangements for Brown and the rest of the cabinet.