Strange...

I had a very strange experience in W.H.Smiths this morning while waiting to be served. The young lady operating the till 'ran out' of two pound coins and asked me to wait while she phoned upstairs for more despite the fact I could clearly see she had a drawer full of one pound coins. She then proceeded to argue with the person on the other end of the phone insisting that she was really desperate and needed more two pound coins NOW!!!

When I ventured to suggest that one pound coins were fine with me she said that this wouldn't take long and continued to argue with the other person becoming quite annoyed at what was obviously a refusal.

She eventually served me and included a two pound coin in my change which rather left me wondering if I'd missed something significant along the way.

Would the last Socialist to leave the party please turn out the lights

I was saddened but not particularly surprised to hear that Alice Mahon had resigned her membership of the Labour Party. For some time now she has been increasing unhappy with the current labour leadership, most of whom are now further to the right than many tories.

Alice Mahon was a long standing member and a genuine 'Leftie', both of which are about as welcome in Peter Mandelson's new labour as the Bubonic Plague would be. So for senior party members to 'privately' call her a traitor and suggest she was just another rat leaving a sinking ship was throughly despicable but pretty much what we've come to expect.

I must admit that while I disagreed with her quite strongly on many things it did make me smile to realise that she had managed to get the last word. This is not the Labour Party which I joined all those years ago either.

A quick trip to the laundry?

I've just received an email pointing me in the direction of this article on a Mirror staff photographer's blog showing Draper in a taxi with his computer in a large stripy shopping bag.

By now he's probably back home with his computer all scrubbed and squeaky clean.

Honest guv, it's nothing to do with us

Iain Hain has a 'leaked' copy of a email to the National Executive Committee from general secretary Ray Collins in which he attempts to distance himself from both Draper and LabourList.

Nice try Ray but I'm sorry, it just won't wash. It's common knowledge both inside and outside the party that the whole thing was your idea in the first place. That you personally recruited Draper to chair the thing and that all of it's meetings were held at party headquarters with senior party members in attendance.

Why not simply be honest about it and say Draper exceeded his mandate? After all that is what happened, isn't it?

By the way, getting the press officers to point everyone to a Tory blog was a bit too bloody obvious. Even a Tory would be able to smell that one a mile off.

Anyone's fault but theirs...

I've been following the Draper/McBride nonsense on and off over the weekend in between doing other things. That they got caught conspiring to smear other politicians in such a fashion does not surprise me. It's not the first time they've done this sort of thing and with neither of them being familiar with the concepts of subtlety or discretion the only surprise is that they didn't get caught sooner.

However to continue trying to blame everyone else for their own stupidity even after they've resigned suggests mental illness rather than simply a stubborn refusal to accept the consequences of their own actions.

That, along the correspondingly stupid remarks made by senior party members who leaped to their defence, only served to provide more ammunition for that right wing toerag Paul Staines, author of the Guido Fawkes Blog.


The following item about Waccy-Baccy seems somewhat anti-climatic by comparison - Blue Plaque.

Waccy-Baccy is ever so sorry...

I missed Ms Waccy-Baccy's performance on Radio 4's Today programme but I understand she came out with the tired old chestnuts of "I'm sorry" and "It was a mistake" while trying to defend her misuse of MPs allowances.

Quite frankly, I think that was incredibly stupid of her and unlikely to convince anyone except soap-opera fans who will believe pretty much anything you tell them no matter how ridiculous. It certainly wouldn't convince a magistrates court which hears the same two excuses several times a day from shoplifters and other petty thieves.

More importantly, her increasingly desperate attempts to keep her snout in the trough are in danger of provoking a public backlash which will cost the party more than just her seat in the commons.

Spoof Proof?

Two American 'researchers' have come up with an alternative to conventional biometric security systems based on iris and fingerprint scans which they claim will provide greater resistance to "spoofing".

X-Ray photographs of the knee.

No, I kid ye not. X-Ray photographs of the knee.

I realise this might seem a bit ridiculous, and somewhat risky considering that the medical profession has spent the past twenty or more years telling us that X-Rays are dangerous. However there are potential benefits in addition to increased 'spoof' resistance.

Passports and other identification documents would contain an embedded dosimeter which would require checking and replacement every year generating an additional revenue stream for the passport office and the nuclear medicine support industries.

It would stimulate the employment market by forcing early retirement for those who had reached their lifetime exposure limit.

The domestic holiday market would benefit by discouraging people from taking holidays abroad and by forcing those who do to remain in this country after they reach their exposure limit.

Border security would be enhanced by making those who regularly travel using falsified documents easily detectable due to residual radiation. The worst offenders could be identified by the fairly obvious signs of radiation sickness or simply by switching off the lights and looking to see who glows in the dark.

The domestic garment industry would experience a resurgence as the demand for protective underwear such as lead-lined y-fronts and corsets increased. Men with certain 'cultural' prejudices would require additional layers of lead foil to protect their precious 'manhood'. This would result in a characteristic nappy-like bulge allowing underage girls and women who prefer their eggs unfertilised to avoid them like the plague.

A small but profitable sideline would also exist in providing lead-lined boxer shorts for American visitors - no true Englishman would be caught dead wearing such a ridiculous garment.

Naturally Dover would be at the front of such technological innovations and the sight of passport control officers in radiation-proof protective clothing would quickly become common place as would the bluish glow from the vicinity of passport control.

Seriously though, this is not a new idea. Previous studies of similar methodologies concluded that the serious health risks associated with X-Ray radiation were an insurmountable problem and strange as it may seem, one of this pair actually works for the US National Institutes of Health. What precise capacity isn't specified but I sincerely hope it's not a medical one.

Oh and by the way - it doesn't work...